i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
