hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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