"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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