who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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