I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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