Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
