i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck appropriateness.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
