I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A bitchslap is in order.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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