It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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