do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
