I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize