I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
