He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
