i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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