If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.