Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.