He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
