I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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