Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize