I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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