Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
