that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
