Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
