My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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