Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
