Umm I'm too high to move.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
