apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
