my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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