I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
vagina is talking i cant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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