Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
