This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
