I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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