That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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