The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
