A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
