and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
