yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think my vagina is haunted
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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