he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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