you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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