i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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