he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
