I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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