we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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