She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
