This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
