the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize