O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
