mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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