Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
