So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
