I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
