I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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