does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
