I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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