I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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