I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
