See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
