What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
