3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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