my vag is so smooth its legendary
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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