I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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