Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
