I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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