WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
