honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
