would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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