I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
